One Year No Beer | 6 Month Update
By Chase Parnell — February 17, 2020
Photo: The eyes don’t lie. Note: This is my third installment chronicling my One Year No Beer journey. My goal is to do one update every other month. Here is the 2 Month Update and here’s the 4 Month Update.
Six months alcohol free. Half way to the finish line. Or is the year-mark more of an aid station, where I’ll pat myself on the back, be happy to have made it there, but then head off again for more time as a teetotaler? I can’t say that I’ve reached some higher plane of clarity on any of this. I’m not typing this now knowing that absolute abstinence from alcohol is what I’m going to adopt long term. That said, I’m fully aware now that not drinking has positively effected my life from a pragmatic outsider-looking-in perspective. Isn’t that a strange dichotomy? If it’s obviously good for me and I have tangible proof in a variety of forms, shouldn’t it be a no-brainer that I’d want to continue on in this way FOR LIFE? The only downside to not drinking is an obvious one: I don’t get to drink! And sometimes that feels really hard. I don’t get that sweet soothing sense of relief, I don’t get that delicious taste, and I don’t get the camaraderie of clanking a glass with a friend and entering the fray.
So while I know the pros of sober-living obviously outweigh the cons, conflict remains. There are lots of things we do that might be harmful to us or that aren’t what is best for us, and yet we do them willingly and fully knowing the cost. Is our aim in life to divorce ourselves from all forms of pleasure? Is there an acceptable trade-off with something like alcohol?
Maybe it’s just the excesses of unbridled consumption that I should be trying to control? If I just limit my drinking to a certain level, then is it somehow justifiable and fine? Or what if I do Sober October every year as a reset, will that be sufficient? Or do I resolve to cut off all these negotiations and balancing acts, and get rid of it altogether? FOR-EV-ER.
I was at a small gathering a few weeks back. Naturally, I was the only person not drinking. Part of me honestly gets a little judgmental now, like, don’t they see that they’re now laughing at things that wouldn’t have been funny 30 minutes prior? Don’t they know that they are no longer their authentic selves? What is this newly found confidence you have? From my holier than thou perspective, they are now victims of alcohol as I once was.
But I totally understand why they’re drinking. Alcohol allows us a few precious hours where we can forget about the stress that constantly looms, be something else for a bit, and to simply silence the noise and smile. We get to step outside the tension and chill out for a minute. I get it. I could really use some chill out time, trust me. But I don’t have that anymore. I get that there are other ways to accomplish this, but alcohol is unrivaled in speed and convenience. Having a bad day? Well, there’s joy in a glass available on every corner.
Alcohol is a calculated indulgence. People make the judgment call that, despite the downsides, it’s worth it. Sometimes the downsides are extreme, as with our friends that wind up in jail or at AA, sometimes the downsides might just be the financial hit or the wasted calories. We make the call day in and day out that it’s worth the cost, whatever that cost might be.
So for me, why tip the scales and choose no alcohol at all? Why swim against the current? Why not get a little loud and bleary eyed? Get my chill time on. Well, here are a smattering of my current thoughts: while I still don’t feel like I’m a great dad all the time, at least I know that it’s me and not the alcohol. I don’t have to wonder how alcohol is effecting my mental state and emotional snap-point with my kids. I’m definitely more fit than I’ve been in the last 2-3 years, which is when my drinking really escalated. And let me tell you, it feels really damn good to be fit. I managed to run a 100 miles last week, which hasn’t happened in a long time. The other thing is that I’m pretty sure my drinking habit of 2-4 drinks a night was causing a low-grade depression that I know was having an effect on my general outlook on life. Most mornings I’d wake up wanting to change my habit and yet every night I’d come home and pour a glass. It was, in effect, a long term cycle of daily failure that left me feeling hopeless and trickled into other areas of my life. And finally, the unknown benefit. Who knows what was happening in my body, my liver, my stomach? Would it have caught up to me in some way? Did I save myself from some horrible experience because of this huge break? Also, as most brewery patrons do, I regularly had a couple pints and drove home. And depending on the type of pints, a little buzz was likely associated although I was still ostensibly good to drive. But maybe something would’ve happened on one of those drives. Maybe I wouldn’t have seen that deer, that pothole, that person. I don’t know.
I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, the older I get the less sure I am that I know what the hell I’m talking about or that I know anything for certain. It’s like a backwards form of getting older and wiser. The older and wiser I get, the less I feel I’m able to give sound advice. We are all on our own personal journey and you can’t apply blanket statements or ideologies to individuals who all have unique backgrounds, upbringings, genetic makeups, and general dispositions. So what I’m telling you here is what I know to be true for me and my experience. Nothing more.
On April 15, 2008 I quit smoking cigarettes after being thoroughly addicted. Will that Boneyard IPA at Regal Cinemas on August 17, 2019 be the last drink of my life? I don’t know and to claim otherwise would be pretty arrogant. I can tell you this much though, if in six months from now, I meet you at the finish line and I’ve got my feet up with a beer in hand, I’m going to tell you that life is good and that I felt like one year was enough…but don’t buy it. What that’ll mean is that I caved, that I decided the cost was worth the relief alcohol provides. My one year of no beer will then be just another story I tell to convince people I have everything under control. A run of the mill “I went a year once”.
I started this journey wanting to optimize my life, get rid of alcohol, so that nothing could stand in the way of our dreams. But I hadn’t anticipated the on-going struggle or the realization of the full extent of my love of drinking. There’s a chance I’m just making a mountain out of a molehill here but if I didn’t have a problem, it wouldn’t be this hard to let it go.
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Not to mention much improved sleep quality which is HUGE in terms of our recovery as runners. I remember even a single pint of a quality craft beer would mess with my sleep.
Also, I’ve always thought this to be an interesting take on some science behind alcohol & its affect on our bodies:
https://www.hammernutrition.com/knowledge/endurance-library/alcohol-diminishes-performance-gains-training
Nice job hitting that 6 month mark. I’ll be hitting 7 months at the end of this month
Totally agree. The performance benefits are evident everyday, perfect timing for upcoming race season! Thanks for the hammer article and I’m glad to be sharing this journey with you. Nice job on 7 months!
My pleasure. It’s good to know there are other runners out there who can relate to similar journeys
This is so incredibly well written. I just learned that you are on this quest and I’ll definitely follow you. Being a guy who enjoyed his couple or so drinks at almost every night I can relate very much and encourages me to try harder to cut down on drinking.
Thanks for the kind words Jakob. And I like that word…quest. I suppose it is. It’s not an easy thing, especially if your habit is long-standing, but I’m sure you can do it too!
“Most mornings I’d wake up wanting to change my habit and yet every night I’d come home and pour a glass.” I have cut back significantly–mainly just be not buying anything that allows me to decide whether or not to open a bottle of wine (which I know will get me through 3 more days). I’m taken long breaks this year, and most of my returns to a glass while making dinner are just the result of having something in the cupboard.
I have more to do. Thanks for writing about your journey. The piece amplifies a lot of what I, too, struggle with: what is the 1-2 ritual doing to my parenting, my sleeping, my recovery, my ability to be honest with myself, my perceived resigned to my lot in life as someone who likes to imbibe, and an understanding of why I continue?
Thanks Kyle, yeah creating the right environment in the home is worth it. For whatever reason, when I first quit I needed to drink a 7up every night before bed. I started to look forward to that like I looked forward to a drink. I couldn’t go to sleep without a 7up! Ha. But then after a couple months of that, I switched to seltzer water and I drink those like a madman now. Probably like 4-5 a day. Something about cracking the can and the carbonation. Nice substitute. But yes, I agree that the effects trickle in to all areas of life. I can relate with the “resigned to my lot” feeling. I felt that way until the day I quit my job that was a terrible fit for me. Sometimes a big change can do wonders if you can swing it. Hang in there!
“But I hadn’t anticipated the on-going struggle or the realization of the full extent of my love of drinking. There’s a chance I’m just making a mountain out of a molehill here but if I didn’t have a problem, it wouldn’t be this hard to let it go. ”
I’ll be hitting the one year mark at the end of next month. It has been a really wild ride. I look back, and sometimes I just don’t know what to think. I loved drinking and loved that instant relief, but I was in that same cycle as you. Vowing today will be different ever morning then finding that drink in my hand every night. Things really have been better – PRs at races and distances, better sleep, less anxiety, more patience with my kids. It seems like that should be my answer. My plan it to keep on going after that year mark because really I know that is the right choice for me, but yeah, it is hard and sometimes it sucks.
Thank you for the great post.
Thanks Liz. Well done on 10+ months! Yeah, it feels like its just going to take time. It might be just like anything else. If you’ve got a guy who comes home and watches Sportscenter every night of the year, and he’s been doing that for decades, what would happen if you threw his tv in the trash. He’s going to come home and probably just stare at the wall and not know what to do with himself. He might even mourn how good life was when he could watch all those highlights. That might not be the best example, but it seems like the longer we go without using alcohol to cope with life, the easier it should get in some ways. I quit smoking in 2008 and I still get the rare occasional craving, but I’d say that battles been won for a long time now. Alcohol is more pervasive though, it’s everywhere and people aren’t recognizing the negatives yet like they do cigarettes. I don’t know. Good job, and keep focusing on all the positives. I feel the same way.