One Year No Beer Status Update | 4 Months.
by Chase Parnell — December 15, 2019
Okay, for those of you who only check in intermittently or aren’t familiar with our little Treeline Journal origin story, as a preface, you might want to read Why Treeline Journal and Why 24 Hours on Pilot Butte, then hop over to my One Year No Beer two month status update to get fully caught up.
As I write this today, I feel like I’m definitely starting to adjust to the new norm, but don’t know that I’m in the clear yet by any means. Four months. That’s roughly 120 nights in a row of resting my head down on my pillow at night stone cold sober. You’d think that you’d have a habit beat in that amount of time, but if I’m being honest, I’m still struggling with it and most days I still have to fight off one urge or another. Not a huge deal, but it’s a bit of a pain to work through.
You know that scene in Tombstone where the free-spirited actress walks into the saloon and Wyatt Erp (Kurt Russell) is standing there at the bar with Doc Holliday (Val Kilmer). The actress meets Wyatt’s gaze with an inviting glimmer in her eye, willing him to come sweep her off her feet. But then, as if to prove his mettle as the devoutly married man that he is, Wyatt shifts his body away from her, signaling that he in fact is not open for business. A bemused Doc Holliday says, “I stand corrected, Wyatt. You’re an oak.”
That line is one of many greats from my #3 favorite movie of all time.
At four months, I can tell you now that I’ve made progress but that I’m not yet an oak. I still waiver and waffle, living in the uncertainty of whether or not I think I can really live life in the longterm without alcohol. It’s a big deal and it’s not easy. Just today, I was at the Deception Pass 50k finish line (Nikki crushed it BTW), surrounded by a cacophony of cracking aluminum cans. Damn those beers looked good.
But see, the sneaky thing about alcohol is that you intend for it to be just a social thing or a celebratory thing like those finish line beers, but the problem becomes that everything becomes an occasion and alcohol ALWAYS LOOKS REALLY DAMN GOOD. Before you know it, it’s your cat’s 7th birthday so… bloody mary’s at dawn!
Personally, I know that if I were to jump back in to the drinking game right now, before I knew it, I’d be back to the nightly routine, heavily entrenched in the habit. So I just can’t, at least not yet. I haven’t gotten to the bottom of all this. I haven’t learned enough yet about why alcohol has such a strong pull with me.
I have to say, I hope this doesn’t come off like I’m trying to guilt-trip anyone else into quitting drinking too. I don’t really even necessarily recommend this level of extremity for, say, 90% of the people out there. I do often wonder if this whole NO DRINKING thing, like none, zip, nada, zilch, zero might actually do more harm than good, because it does start to mess with you. Maybe I should have just cut back and really tried harder to find a balance instead of complete sobriety for a year, I don’t know.
The problem I’m having is that I’ve sort of started to romanticize alcohol because I can’t have it. Is it becoming my forbidden fruit? And am I giving this tension space to grow? Will it just keep building and building until I crack one of these days and go on some wild reactionary bender? I doubt it, but sometimes I wonder.
The other thing that inevitably happens when you take the leap to go alcohol free is that you start looking back on your drinking like it was that magical 4th grade summer camp, where you met that girl, your first crush who pulled you behind the commissary and kissed you while all your friends were in the cafeteria having chocolate milk chugging competitions. You know, you get all nostalgic and feel like those boozing days were so exciting and special. You begin to wish you never took any drink for granted because now you would do anything to have that feeling back, but you can’t because you quit and inspired others to do the same, but it’s hard, and it all feels like a little much. And you’re sick of it, you’re sick of trying to be an oak.
I guess I need to accept that it’s okay that this is difficult. For awhile there I thought that I would arrive at this place where I’d be like, wow, life is SO MUCH BETTER without alcohol so OF COURSE I’m not going to drink! Well, here I am, life has gotten a lot better and yet I still miss drinking. I’ve heard that some people just thrive off of the roller coaster of life and if things ever get too good for them they actually get bored and find ways to sabotage themselves so that they can feel “alive” again. I really hope I’m not doing that.
What I think I need to do is just keep holding on for dear life and trust that I’ll arrive at firmer conclusions as I get closer to one year. So I’m going to allow this wishy-washy waffling back and forth rambling to be my “status update” because that’s exactly where I am. I know I should be more rah-rah right now, like life is so great without alcohol, but that’s not where I’m at.
I definitely feel like I’m over the honeymoon phase. I’ve been willing myself to refrain from drinking through sheer force and determination, but now I’m starting to ask the bigger questions. I’m searching for the deeper whys and hoping to land on the right mental framework to make this thing sustainable.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely still committed to my one year no beer challenge, and I do think its been a huge net positive overall, but I’m obviously still wrestling with it. This is all part of the process I suppose.
So that’s it for now. I extend to you a virtual clink of the glass. Cheers. Excuse me while I sip this mildly satisfying cup of tea and try to be thankful for it.
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Thanks for sharing an update on your one year no beer challenge. On some levels, I can relate. For me, it was perhaps a 6 pack of good quality craft beer every 10 days. Nothing too zealous but I certainly enjoyed the taste and having opportunities to try new offerings.
I made the decision to cut out alcohol July 30 for a few reasons…
1.) Alcohol has never been a problem for me but I don’t ever want it to become one. I realized my life is just fine without it and I can also save some $$ by refraining.
2.) Athletic performance & better recovery. I’m 46 and feel like some of my best running performance is ahead. I didn’t begin running until I was 35 so I’m still tapping deeper into my endurance tank. I can honestly say that my recovery has improved (less sore & stiff) and those stubborn 3-4 pounds have melted off due to no empty calories from the alcohol.
3.) No brain fog – this is a big one. As I mentioned, I never drank much alcohol but even a pint of beer that’s 5-8% abv can add a little fogginess to the brain. You may have noticed the difference with your own experience. I want a healthy, clear brain for as long as possible which my wife also appreciates. Brain health and the ability to clearly think and relate to others is worth it.
On occasion, I buy a 6 pack of NA beer from AthleticBrewing.com – these guys know what they’re doing when it comes to flavor and have created a quality NA craft beer.
I encourage you to keep up this challenge and make it a lifetime lifestyle. I truly believe it will pay dividends for yourself and your family. It’s really a small sacrifice compared to leaving a rich legacy.
Wow, thanks CJ, lots of good stuff there. I know I sometimes brush over some of the subtle life improvements. Thanks for the reminder to not take those things for granted. I think the bad memories fade over time, but when I take a second to think about it, there are a lot of things I don’t miss about drinking too.
BTW, my first shipment from Athletic Brewing arrived last week…you’re right, it’s really good.
And honestly, I’ve never really considered the legacy concept. But I imagine that becomes more and more of a reality as you get older. I certainly want my kids to grow up and be proud of me, or at least respect me. I could see how an issue with alcohol could taint a relationship or skew your children’s memories of you. Good to keep in mind.
I’m going to stick with it. I think you’re right, in the grand scheme of things, it’s a small price to pay. It’s just tough when you’re in the day to day grind there isn’t much else available to take the edge off at times. I’m starting to explore other outlets though. Running helps a ton of course but I still need something in the evenings I think. Reading good books helps too. It’s nice to get back to that since I was always too buzzed to retain what I read when I was drinking, so instead, it was a lot of mindless Netflix or sports watching.
Anyways, thanks for the support, and cool you took a preemptive action in your own right.
Whether it’s sugar or alcohol, it feels good to be in control rather than a substance controlling and mastering us. There are so many things that could easily become addictions in life. I like referring to my running as a “healthy habit” even though deep down I know there’s an addictive quality about it 🙂
And I completely understand regarding “trying to explore other outlets. Sometimes even taking up a new hobby like learning the guitar or painting can be a nice outlet where time is being invested into something that yields benefits for a lifetime. I certainly love reading in the evenings along with enjoying a cup of tea. And let me tell you, I’m a HUGE coffee lover and enjoy the whole coffee culture which is really interesting.
It’s been cool to see my craving for an alcoholic beer decrease over these past few months. When I’ve been tempted, I remind myself that the positives easily outweigh the negatives.
By the way, I grew up in Myrtle Creek, Oregon. Love getting back there to get my Oregon Coast fix
Yeah, if we know addictions are just masking mechanisms of deeper issues, a worthy pursuit seems to be to take the time to discover and understand why we’re feeling this emptiness and explore how to heal without the need of externalities, even “healthy” ones. The answer is within us I’m sure. Hoping it doesn’t take a lifetime to master.
Happy to hear you’re from Oregon. There is nothing like the Oregon Coast. I make an annual pilgrimage from Bend over to Yachats, my favorite sleepy little coast town. Great running there too. Thanks CJ
Absolutely love Yachats. Great agate hunting up & down that area. Merry Christmas to you!
Almost 3 years sober for me and it does get easier – even while being a part of the trail running community. I ran the DP25k yesterday and one of the well-meaning volunteers assured me there was “beer and pizza at the finish!” Beer wasn’t my drink of choice, but that sure sounded good at the time. So I know if I would have had one it likely would have led to more booze as the afternoon progressed. But I abstained and am awake this morning clear-headed and feeling good. It’s worth fighting through those short moments. I enjoyed a solid night’s sleep that my body needs to recover from the physical effort of a tough run.
Thanks Wendy, I was there crewing my wife so I didn’t get to see much of the course, but what a stunning place! I was out on Rosario Beach yesterday as you 25kers ran by. We saw a couple sets of dolphins in the water. Pretty magical. I like how you put that, “It’s worth fighting through those short moments.” That’s exactly how it seems to work. You get a craving and your mind starts to panic a little. I get a little pinch in chest at the thought of it, but if you can just remain rational and think through it for a second, it’s a pretty easy decision. And good to know it keeps getting easier. Great job on 3 years! That’s inspiring. Nice clear head in the morning is always something to be thankful for too. Ready to attack the day.
Wow – I didn’t realize we had dolphins up here! I know there were quite a few seals below the bridge for part of the day too. Deception Pass is my favorite place to run. I’m glad you were able to enjoy part of it!
I am grateful that you shared this post – exactly as it is. “So I’m going to allow this wishy-washy waffling back and forth rambling to be my “status update” because that’s exactly where I am.” I really connect with this. As I struggle with my own matters (booze being one of them) – it’s good to know it’s not easy for everyone except me!
I am enjoying your blog and the content you are producing. Keep it up. And know that you’re not alone in this effort.
Thanks Anthony, I’m certain honestly is always better than bullshit. Although I’m guilty of producing both. Hang in there with your own struggles! One day at a time. Btw: I saw on Strava you’re from Rochester, NY. I spent my middle school years in Webster. Somebody sent me this video a couple weeks back. It cracked me up and kinda made me miss Rochester! https://youtu.be/tzUK-UwPVy0
Thanks for sharing that. Small world for sure. Western NY has a lot to offer.
Keep up the good fight, Chase. I quit drinking beer 10 years ago. Best decision I ever made! I’ve found the NA’s & Kombucha to be especially helpful in the social/holiday times.
Nice, yeah I was at a brewery the other day and ordered a kombucha in a glass. Fit right in just like all the other cool kids. And wow, 10 years! Veteran status. Well done.
Your ‘magical 4th grade summer camp’ comment resonates with me. I know what you mean about that nostalgia and yearning…I have that too. I have thought about the cold turkey route, but have managed to sustain something close to CJ’s above ‘6 pack of good beer every 10 days’. Either route (abstinence or very strict, never erring moderation) has its challenges. I’d like to eventually cut it completely, but just not there yet and no regrets either. I would think once you get over a certain hump (different for everybody) it should get easier, as Wendy says. But then I also wonder (and worry) about that nostalgia…
Hey Jeremy, sounds like you have a nice thing going if you’re able to manage the CJ level. I never had it down to that. Whenever I would try the rules, they never really worked for me. I tried the “two beer max” rule and that would get me by here and there but then you add in having a bad day or just a random F-it attitude moment, and I’d throw that rule out the window. My brother is a pretty solid, “one and done” rule guy and that’s working for him. He quit for something like 7 years and then came back and settled on that for now. I found that 1 or 2 is just a massive tease. My sweet spot was 3-4 beers or a 3-shot whiskey and 2 beers. And that’s how it was pretty much every night. To have just one or two never really felt worth it to me because I liked to get a decent buzz. It’s tough! Hoping the nostalgia fades over time. It’s fun getting in good running shape, and not having a short fuse with my kids, and having more time at night to get stuff done. But alas, still working through it despite all the upsides.
Hi Chase, thanks for the honesty. This all sounds familiar. If you haven’t read it, check out “The Alcohol Experiment”. It’s a very eye opening book about how our culture embraces alcohol to a somewhat absurd extent that I’m sure you are starting to see. More importantly, it really helps with giving one a new perspective on what alcohol is. With new perspective it becomes easier for it to be a thoughtful choice you want to make instead of the “will power approach”…which in the past has always failed me. I read your post on alcohol from a few years back, could have written that myself. I went from 7 days to feeling pretty great with 1or2 days (and 1 or 2 drinks), and more often than not I look back at those one or two days and think I would have been better off without. For me, it has really made an incredible positive impact in my life. Your kids look a bit younger than mine….but more than anything what I have seen is that my kids know what’s going on (even though they have never said anything)….Dad is different and doesn’t smell like beer every night when they get tucked in. Leading by example is more powerful than anything we can tell them. And least of important, yet worth noting on a running site – I’ve never been a stronger runner or felt better physically. I (and I’m sure many) can get away with it in the “younger years”, but it was really effecting my performance and sleep patterns. Best of luck to you on wherever you land on this.
Thanks! I put The Alcohol Experiment on hold at my local library. Will check it out. Reframing the relationship seems key. I have will power but not infinite will power so I’m hoping that the alcohol appeal continues to dim as I explore these resources and just get more time under my belt. I hear what you’re saying with the kids thing too! I read many a kids book with blurry vision putting my 4 year old son down to sleep. Pretty sad in retrospect. I mean, it’s not like I’d pass out in bed with him but I wonder if he could pick up that I was a little different in the evenings than I was in the mornings and afternoons. Either way, it’s exciting to be where I’m at now and my running is coming along too. And kudos to you for making a change in your life. Now you’re an advocate and helping others. Really cool. Thanks.