An Ultrarunner’s Perspective on Processing Change

by Nikki Parnell — June 30, 2020 — 📸: Katie Grenier

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“There is nothing permanent except change.” – Heraclitus. Oy Vey. Has this ever been more true? Every time you turn around in 2020 there are changes. This has been quite the year. Just when I think I’ve adapted and adjusted to all the new changes, another one hits. It’s like when you’re swimming in the ocean and you come up for air just as another wave is approaching. You didn’t get as much air in your lungs as you were hoping for. The water hits and you are once again submerged. Breathless, salty; sink or swim.

I don’t want to spend much time wallowing under the weight of all these changes. I’ve already done that. But it is okay to acknowledge that change isn’t easy. For those who don’t know, we canceled the first part of our Europe adventure. So instead of running in Austria and Italy and France and Switzerland, we’re now going to be spending time in Idaho at a family cabin with hopefully some camping trips to Wyoming and Montana. Which is AWESOME. We’ll have new mountains to explore and quality family time, but there’s still a little part of my brain whispering, “psst…Idaho isn’t Switzerland.” And it’s true, it’s not. It is another change to our constantly changing plans but I’m choosing to embrace it and to adapt yet again.

As I’ve been floundering about with what to do with all this change, I finally decided to intentionally investigate the topic further to help me (and now you) discover how to handle change. The below is what I found and what I’ll be focusing on as I go through this process. I’m coming at it from changed life plans, but I think it equally applies to all kinds of changes: work, health, relationships, finances, anything. 

How to Adapt to Change: 

Step 1 | Sit with it. Hit the pause button. Give yourself permission to feel flustered, flabbergasted, shocked, disappointed, depressed, excited, intrigued, nervous and/or all of the above. Change means redirecting. This can be hard when you thought you were on the right path — or at least a known and safe path. Change also means that there is work to be done – picking yourself up, dusting yourself off, and putting one foot in front of the other on this new trail that feels like it’s uphill and your legs are heavy and you just ran out of water. Looking at the task of doing the hard work that change requires can feel exhausting at first. Get quiet, resist going on a frenzy of “what to do next” and just feel it. Acknowledge that there is grief and loss that can come with change so be gentle with yourself.

Step 2 | The easy road isn’t worth much. Now that you’ve thrown yourself a pity party, gently remind yourself that change demands growth. If you’re not growing, you’re not living. You’re dying or living life on repeat, which is essentially the same thing. So focusing on how you can become better in the process is necessary to view change as positive. It’s easier to stay where you are, as you are, but it will not benefit you or your potential.

Step 3 | The unknown, while scary, doesn’t mean bad. I’ll always remember my high school Nordic ski team when I think of this. I started when I was a freshman and was blown away by how much fun the whole sport and team camaraderie was. We’d carpool to the mountains, race in winter wonderlands, have pasta feeds and wax our skis together. I loved the group of people. But most of them were seniors and graduated that spring. I didn’t want to join the team again as a sophomore because I knew there was no way it would be as fun without my favorite people. Yet, I was talked into signing up again and it turned out to be a whole new level of greatness. Each year was better than expected and provided me with some of my all time favorite high school memories. The unknown turned out to be beautiful. Give the precarious future a chance to be good.

Step 4 | Stabilize. Just like running ultras, change is a process and it takes time. Self-maintenance is critical. When you feel out of control, look for the little things you can control that help you feel balanced and healthy. Eat good, energy boosting foods, hydrate, go for a walk or run and focus on your breathing and the comfortable, reliable rhythm of your stride, write out your thoughts. Be kind to yourself. Spinning out of control is nauseating. It’s okay to stop at the aid station, sit down and close your eyes. Fuel up before heading out on the trail again.

Step 5 | Redirect to a new trail. You have come to a metaphorical fork in the road. You can’t stay on the path you were on so you have to choose a new trail to venture down. Ask yourself a million questions. This is an opportunity to start anew. Where could you go from here? Look for all the possibilities that excite you. Maybe it’s time to try something different, indulge in a new passion or goal. Change has the potential to point us back to ourselves, so if we’re open to it, maybe we’ll find some clarity and reconnect with our over-arching life purpose.

Step 6 | Let go. Before you take the first step down the new trail, check in with yourself to see if you’re all set and ready to go. The new trail is hilly and your legs are heavy and you’ve run out of water. Let’s not add any other unnecessary burdens to this final stretch. Transition times show you a lot about all aspects of your life, even the seemingly unrelated areas. Look at what you’ve been carrying, what is weighing you down? Can you lighten the load? How have you been living vs. how do you want to be living? Who are you and who do you want to be? Acknowledge and start letting go of anything that is holding you back – schedules, clutter, old habits that aren’t serving you. While ultra runners aren’t much into taking the easy road, there’s no reward for making life way harder on yourself than necessary (…unless you’re big into extra challenges and want to be like Michael McKnight who ran 100 miles without consuming any calories…I digress). The point is, ultra runners are always problem solving and figuring out what works for them during long runs. We get good at pinpointing the foods that turn our stomachs, the shorts that chafe our thighs, the water bottles that leak, and then we avoid those things at all costs in an attempt to avoid unnecessary suffering. Same as in life, it’s just a matter of paying close attention. Why would we keep carrying and wearing anything that doesn’t work for us? Let’s ditch the excess, use this transition time as an inflection point, and make life a bit less of a sufferfest! Thrive not survive.

Change, whether expected or unexpected, can be beautiful. But sometimes it’s not. Sometimes it’s a straight up terrible loss, so we have to look a little harder for the beautiful things that can still come from it. The act of grappling with all the feelings that bombard you, tromping through the murky unknown territory of change, and setting out on that new trail to wander down will ultimately be empowering. It’s not easy, but deep down, we don’t really want easy. It’s why we keep coming back to sign up for more grueling races. We see how tough challenges benefit us as humans. What we physically experience while running transcends into our being and shapes who we are at the core. Even if it’s awful at first, our experience becomes a tool in our tool belt, preparing us for that next brutal and beautiful trail.

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