What Running Means to Mothers.

by Nikki Parnell — October 27, 2019

Therapy.  Revival.  Spiritual practice.  Freedom from burdens.  Accomplishment.  Expression.  Confidence.  Gratitude.  These are just a few of the answers I received when I asked several mother runner friends what running means to them. I was struck by the profound weight of each of their answers. The above listed qualities are what we chase after throughout our days, longing to possess, and running is a key part of that.

My Story.

To explain my own personal reason for running, we have to rewind to four and a half years ago.

I still remember it.  Panting heavily, hands pushing down on my legs, with each step I climbed up, up, up steep switchbacks near our old house in Missoula, Montana. I remember feeling ticked off, annoyed at life and society’s pressures and expectations of how a woman’s body should look. And when I looked down, I didn’t feel like I was meeting those expectations. On that day, I felt extra …. chubby.  

I was pregnant at the time, but in those early weeks where you don’t have a cute bump yet — it just looks like you have a pooch from eating too many cookies.  And my lack of thigh gap was utterly annoying me as they brushed and high-fived each other with every step up the climb. I angry stomped up the hill to a ridge that overlooked the surrounding mountains and valleys. I finally stopped to catch my breath and saw the world from a higher plane. In that moment, unexpectedly, a certain peace came flooding over me. The running, the breathing, the fighting my way to the top surpassed my body consciousness, stress, and chaos from the day. The endorphin rush and sense of achievement brought me to that sacred space that runners know well. Empowered. Accepted. Whole.

The fact that I was able to drag my cookie pooch all the way up the mountain, regardless of my own personal judgment, somehow brought me back to myself and reminded me of who I am and that I was strong and beautiful. Running always seems to give me those realizations when I need them most, and that is what it has meant to me ever since.  

Mother as Identity.

After I became a mother, my identity as a human shifted.  The role of “mother” is sacred in the home. I don’t aim to discredit fathers in any way because they are amazing too, and such an integral part of us and our families, but being a mother is more than meets the eye. There are deeper worries, heavier weights, and choked up love waiting to burst out beneath the surface. There is endless distraction behind those eyes too — to-do lists and problem solving and intention setting all revolving around the health and happiness of our children. 

You step into motherhood and your priorities and your relationship with running changes forever. In the beginning, going for runs and training for races sometimes feels like a Game of Thrones episode with gruesome battle scenes and shocking horrors with badass theme songs playing in the background. But somehow, you plod on through sleepless nights and endless feedings and sore back muscles from the constant mother slouch (did you just sit up a little bit? I did). 

After those very tough early months of motherhood, you begin to feel good again but you’re not “back to normal.” That’s something people don’t talk about much. You don’t go back to normal. That’s not a thing. You are changed. You are yourself and then some. Yourself plus your child’s self. All encompassing. And your body? It heals and strengthens and can become even better than before, but it won’t ever be the same.

The Why for Other Mothers.

So I know what it is to love running. I know what it does for me. But I became interested in what it truly means to other women, particularly mamas, because that’s where I’m at now — fully entrenched in the little kid years with a 4 year old boy and an 18 month old girl. So I set out to ask some of my running friends about what running means to them, why they run, and if those meanings or reasons have changed since becoming a mother. This was such a neat experience (and very inspiring for my own running) to hear other women share their love stories with the sport.  

Every single answer was unique, yet completely relatable. Friends brought up things like the little details that set them on fire while running – the smell of juniper and sage brush, the sound of breath rushing in and out of the body, the crunch crunch of running through the first snow fall of the year.  Beautiful imagery, tantalizing me to get out the door to go for a run. One friend, Becca Ellis, spoke of how running paradoxically means finding stillness. She said, “I have never been able to explain how still the world can seem while I move through it as quickly as I can.” I cherish that feeling too.

When I probed further, asking the question, “but WHY do you run?” their responses could have been mine. They run for health, to stay sane, to experience nature, to find themselves outside in those quiet early mornings, to process life, to become their best selves, to decompress, and to snag some rare alone time. One friend joked that she runs so that she doesn’t run away from her family (she loves them fiercely but she has three teenagers in the house so you can see why running is necessary).   

Finally, I asked if the meaning of running and the why behind being a runner had changed since becoming a mom, and if so, how? The word that stood out to me in their responses was MORE.  Running means more now than it ever did. One friend said she tried running before having kids but it never stuck because her driving reason was to just burn calories. But after giving birth to two children, she felt empowered, like she could do anything, so she gave it a shot, built up to greater distances, and now can’t imagine life without it.

Another friend, Emmie Hiersche, talked about how when her baby boy was tiny, running was survival, alone time and a reminder that she was still herself. Now, she said, “it’s been more about extra time with him, showing him what it means to truly love something, work for something, have goals and live your best life”, while also instilling in him the importance of passion, discipline, and stress management.  She runs all the time, literally, she even run-commutes to pick up her son from daycare. So awesome. 

Another mother, my sweet sister-in-law, Kristen, talked about how it’s much harder to get out to run after becoming a mom. Before kids, she ran to get out into nature and for health. After kids, “it was more because running was something I had enjoyed before kids and it was a way to connect to that person. It was something that was my own. As the kids have gotten older, I run now for the reasons I did when I got into it.” I appreciate that – how in some seasons we run to crawl our way back to ourselves and then when life calms down, our reasons morph back into our original joys. 

Feeling more empowered was another common theme among these women. I really related to what one friend, Stephanie Hackbarth, wrote to me, “Now whenever I race, I’m typically running with less training, less sleep, and less energy in general. But as I’m out there passing other runners, it’s both empowering to see what my body is still capable of and motivating to keep at this sport!  And if nothing else, there’s always the thought, “I gave birth to three babies, and I’m still passing this guy!” Sorry guy, but we are thankful to you and how you make us mamas feel badass!

We are in this Together.

One thing I love about identifying as a runner is when you meet another runner you automatically have something in common. You are in the runner club. You belong. Even if paces and distances and preferences of trails or roads are different, there is still a basic understanding between the two of you. All runners have started from nothing. You have to gradually build into it. It takes time. Many runs suck. Many runs are uplifting and refreshing. We all have different reasons for pursuing the sport and we each bring our own stories to the table. The same goes for motherhood.  

Once you become a mother, you have joined one of the largest clubs in the world. And you can automatically connect with so many other women. You might have very different views and styles and approaches on raising children, but we’re still all mothers, we all have that newfound sense of love for our children, and we’re all trying to survive and thrive while we navigate the unknown landscapes ahead of us.

When you go a step further and find those running friends who are ALSO your mom friends, that’s when things get really special. These running buddies of mine have been with me through all the various running and motherhood seasons. We run through it all together, side-by-side. With some, we’re in the same phases with our kids. Others, maybe they are years ahead and have so much wisdom to share. Whatever season we’re in, our running and motherhood stories bond us close all the same.

There’s a deep connection between us. A deep knowing. They are the friends that “get it”. They understand the ups and downs, the tired runs and weary legs and full hearts.  They are fighting the good fight, to get out the door to do what our bodies long to do and what our minds and souls require. We are the mother runners. And we’re all trying to get our rhythm back despite our bouncier bodies and uneven steps. Soon we’ll be strong again, from showing up over and over, regardless of the fear, fatigue, and fragility that motherhood entails. We come and we conquer with little victories. We evolve into our new selves. Slowly, step by step. And we celebrate each other in that.

 

To read the complete responses from the above mentioned mothers, CLICK HERE.

 

---

 

A few people have asked us how they can support us in our work … well, here it is: Patreon allows you to give as little as $2 a month and unlock bonus content for patrons only. With your support, we are going to keep building into Treeline Journal and pitching to the world this life of endurance, passion, and freedom. If you already support us on Patreon, we cannot thank you enough.

 

---

If you enjoyed this article and want to receive all our latest articles, YouTube videos, and life updates in a conveniently packaged weekly email, sign up for our Rise & Grind Newsletter.

---